Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
