Apparently you make a good broom.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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