Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
