He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
