but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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