Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
