i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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