Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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