you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
