hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
