butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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