Where is the hickey?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
