She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
