yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
