I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
