ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
