trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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