how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
