i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
