You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
