HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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