i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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