Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
