Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
