Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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