can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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