At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
