um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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