She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
