she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
