neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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