Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
