omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
