i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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