Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
