youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
