oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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