I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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