Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
