I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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