I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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