nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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