he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The beer is more important than you right now.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
