Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
