I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
