Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
