it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
