I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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