You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
