Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
