This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
