morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
