Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
