Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
