this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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